Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

1.) Get a piece of fruit. These fruits can range from anything as humble as an apple to something as interesting as a pomegranate. My personal choice is a banana with few brown spots and absolutely no green tint. An overly brown banana is suffering from necrotizing fasciitis and will infect anyone in contact with it. A green banana is nauseous and will puke into your mouth as you eat it.

2.) Proceed to the nearest computer with iTunes. Once on, open iTunes. Hum a soft jingle or play muzak inside your head as the window opens.

3.) Insert a Modest Mouse CD into the computer. Wait for the computer to read the disc. Modest Mouse is the preferred choice, but choices such as She and Him, Foo Fighters, Jamie Cullum, and The Fray are acceptable as well. Take into consideration whether or not the artist sucks badly, not much, or barely breathes.

4.) Select the first track of the album.

5.) Peel, cut, or prepare to bite into your piece of fruit. Preferably, bob your head in tune to the music as this is being done.

6.) Start to eat your piece of fruit. After each bite, continue to nod your head at the computer. A computer is very insecure and will start to wonder whether or not you are still listening. Nodding acts as visual confirmation.

7.) After finishing your piece of fruit, wait until the entire album is finished. It is impolite to leave your chair/seat/floor/corpse while the artist is performing. Please show courtesy by waiting until an intermission or the end.